When it Comes to Stalking Rabbits

A poem by Kenzie Snyderman (age 17)

comicalrelief.wordpress.com Kenzie Snyderman

We had spoken before, just a short “Hello, Goodbye.”
He was kind of jumpy, but an interesting guy.
It wasn’t really stalking; I was just curious where he’d go.
It couldn’t actually be a crime, just to want to know.
Oh, those pictures I’d taken? They were only for fun.
I had to take so many, well, it was hard to get a nice one
with him always on the run.
No, I didn’t break into his house.
He mistook me for the maid,
whom I assure you, I wasn’t trying to impersonate.
I haven’t a clue how she could have gotten in my trunk.
Or, for that matter, how the car could have so strangely fallen off that cliff and sunk.
The night in question? I was at a mad party with a hatter and a hare.
I don’t know what got into me. I’m sure I just had too much tea.
I must not have realized how many messages I had left on his machine.
But I assure you I wasn’t trying to harass him.
I just had a question I needed to ask him.
And the park where I feed the birds is just so close to Mr. Rabbit’s home.
I certainly didn’t mean to loiter.
And, so you see, I really find no need for this restraining order.

 

Found this poem I wrote in High School while I was looking for old material for a poetry contest. Thought I’d share it. Since it’s one of the only comical poems I’ve ever written.

Anyone have a funny poem to share?

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Five Ways to Wake up Without Caffeine

Five Ways to Wake up Without Caffeine -comicalrelief.wordpress.com

We all have to get up sometime. Some days it’s easier than others. We wake up we, stumble through the house like Zombies to the shrine our coffee pots live on or the instant water heater and stacks of black tea. The caffeine kiss bringing us back to life like true-loves lips. Then there are those of us that can make it up and out of the house fully functional on just the notion that caffeine is waiting loyally for us in the near future, on the way to class or work, that favorite coffee hut or faithful gas-station stop. For some this is a tactic in motivation, to assure that we get up at all and go to that very early destination. I’ve used this tactic myself and it was very effective until that fateful day, that I kept missing my opportunity and my coffee break never came. My coffee hut was robbed and/or burned down, I was too frustrated and indecisive to pick a new coffee hut, “they might not get my cryptic drink order right and then that would really be it” (The only thing worse than no coffee is the wrong coffee!), can’t go to Holiday or Micky-dee’s, cause I’m too much of a coffee snob.. So I had to face it.. It wasn’t going to happen and I felt defeated. “This is ridiculous, I’m a monster,” I thought. I have to try to quite caffeine again (Like I have done hundreds of other times.) I am not saying I’ll never enjoy a London Fog or Soy Cappuccino again, or slug a cold cup of black coffee desperately after losing track of time. Now I enjoy caffeine but am not depending on it to make or break my day. That’s where the following five ways to wake up without caffeine came into play:

1. Sex. We all know its works. Whether it’s partner-ed or solo, sex spikes our brain full of dopamine and oxytocin which puts us in a good mood, it also gets the blood flowing and the brain churning. Plus it gives you that happy “gotcha-some glow!”

2. Yoga. Start your day with five minutes of yoga. It calms your nervous system, focuses your mind and revs up your metabolism. You can do this in your bed or on the floor. Here is an easy A.M. Sequence: Seated meditation, seated side reach (each side), seated palm press, standing palm press. This gives you that moment right when you wake up to choose what you want to think about rather than just throwing yourself out of bed and straight into your racing thoughts and plans for the day. Rebalance, refocus and recharge. Then get out there and own the day!

3. Music. I made myself a Good-Morning Sunshine mix. And sometimes before the clothes even go on that jam is bumping out of the cd player, gets you moving and grooving and screaming the lyrics to the soundtrack of your favorite memories, triumphs and empowering messages!

4. Shower. Drag your stiff body into a nice hot shower first thing and let your body wake up in a gradual, soothing way. Practice self-care, make a gratitude list, or set your intentions for the day, make those shifts in attitude and thinking that will bring you up and feed your passions rather than negative notions that drag you down and stress you out. Start off clean, in body and mind.

5. Aromatherapy. Use aromatherapy in the form of essentials oils, a couple drops at the bottom of the shower, or an aromatic body wash or facial cleanser to awaken your senses and energize your mind. Or, if you don’t have time to shower try an Essential Oil Remedies to Roll from NYR Organic (www.us.nyrorganic.com/shop/kenzies). Their traveling aromatherapy capsules that roll on easy and fit perfectly in your pocket, are easy to use at any time of day. Their Energy Roll boosts the mind and energizes the body. Another favorite of mine is the Study Roll, an all-round pick-me-up, helping to clear the mind.

What’s your morning pick-me-up?

Five Ways to Enjoy a Red Light

comicalreleif.com Five ways to Enjoy a Red Light

In a society running on Starbucks and deadlines it can be tough to avoid getting caught up in the “go, go, go” of everyday life. But red lights have been the bad guys for too long. Red lights and stop signs and traffic jams all deserve a second thought. And that thought is this: Is it really so bad to pause every once in a while? Is it awful to have a second to think, to reflect or to notice the extraordinary sunset sweeping the sky? Don’t you ever find yourself wishing you could escape for a minute? Here is what red lights have been trying to tell us for nearly a century, and five ways to fully appreciate their potential.

Number 1: Take in the stillness
Take a second and look around. Feel the world rush past you. Be in harmony with the things that are still – the mountains, the rusty bridge – and appreciate life from their perspective. The masters have always said “go with the flow,” but that doesn’t mean lose yourself in it. You deserve to have moments all your own. Be your own flow. Take a deep breath … and then go.

Number 2: Be grateful
It always feels good to remember all the things we are thankful for, especially during a bad day or stressing out. You can’t help but stop at a red light — well, legally — so even if you are in the biggest hurry of your life, you have permission from traffic laws everywhere to slow down and take a breather. Take advantage of it. List a few reasons you are happy to be doing what you are doing. Maybe, that’s even just the fact that you are not doing something really torturous like suffering genocide in Africa. Think about what you enjoy about your life and what you are fortunate to have.

Number 3: Be friendly
Notice the people around you. Smile at a stranger. Study your fellow beings. Barge into their lives a little and let them know they are not alone. Making someone smile is a simple gesture that can make a positive change in someone’s day. “I don’t even know you. I don’t know what you do for a living or what church you go to or whether you’re a Steelers fan, but I’m going to smile at you.” How could that not feel awesome?

Number 4: Quiet your mind
I’m sure we can all relate to unyielding thinking marathons that just never seem to stop and never seem to get us anywhere either. You’re just thinking about nothing and everything all at once, and maybe you wish you could just turn your brain off. This is when you stop and simply think to yourself, “I wonder what my next thought will be?” Asking yourself this question, is a technique that aids in quieting your mind. It is like pushing the restart button on your brain. For just a moment there is nothing. The only way to know if it works is to try it, but don’t try while driving — which is why red lights are wonderful!

Number 5: Remember Self-Care
Red lights are the perfect time to do those little things you should do and always forget to, such as Kegel exercises! This is not a joke. Doing Kegel exercises strengthen the Pubococcygeus (PC) muscle, help in treating urinary incontinence and in increasing sexual gratification. This is a good exercise for both men and women. And depending on your gender and age may have many other helpful benefits.

So, rather than being impatient or bored while waiting in traffic, you now have five productive mind, body and soul enriching practices to try out at the next red light

Comment question – Why do we hate waiting so much? What can be done to make ourselves more comfortable when feeling impatient?

Five Evaluations for a Bad Day – By Kenzie Snyderman

comicalrelief.wordpress.com, bad day evaluation, kenzie snyderman

There is a blue sky shining outside your window, a fresh cup of coffee in your hand. You’re off to a routine day at a job that may not be great but is however great to have. There may be no real problems in your life, yet there is this nagging perhaps even intrusive urge to just flip the “eff” out! If this is you, today or on other days, I first want to congratulate you on being totally, unmistakably and awesomely human just like the rest of us, who are however, having a great day! Secondly I am here to offer these five evaluations of bad days, complete with a cause, effect and solution analysis. Or, if you are too disgruntled to appreciate them, then at least a momentary distraction from your life that sucks.

# 1 You may just be stunned by monotony
Maybe there really isn’t anything wrong and you are just subconsciously trying to add a little excitement to your dull everyday routine. Perhaps if you think about it, you’ll realize an almost numbing boredom has been resonating in the back of your mind as you move swiftly and effortlessly through your day to day life. The bad day blues have been building up slowly beside the boredom in the back of your brain. Then, just in time to rescue you from another flawless morning, they come charging into reality. You start by waking up late, spilling your coffee or something equally as devastating to a freshly awakened human psyche. You notice your hair looks bad, your Grapenuts are stale or your boots have a hole in them. Then you realize you’ve lost track of time and you’re running late. (probably due to all the extra noticing you’ve been doing) It only takes a few things to really get the wheels turning and then whoosh, off you go into your premeditated bad day! (Deep down inside you are thrilled however, over how bored you aren’t being.) If you feel this may be the kind of bad day you are having, take control and remedy it with a controlled twist that leaves you feeling excited and soothes your monotony (but not like excited to kick in a bathroom stall and then hide sobbing in the corner) Do something different to spice things up like go somewhere new for lunch, play hooky for the day (no one wants a sour puss at work with them anyway), take some time to feed a forgotten passion, get lost exploring a different side of town, surprise yourself with random spots, new stores, new routes, Whatever you do, have no plan and make it deliciously unexpected, even if you do nothing “productive.” Remember that adventure is a healthy remedy. And healthy is productive.

#2 You may be deficient
Sometimes we are just off kilter and can’t seem to get balanced out no matter how ridiculous we know we are being. This is my personal worst bad day and no amount of chocolate or yelling at the children or episodes of Dexter can cure it. That’s when you have to really just stop and start over. Your whole life, just start over, move to a new town and find a new family, a new dog…just kidding! I mean start over, get back to the basics. The basics are as follow: sleep, food, water, in some cases sex. All those things in the core of your brain that our primitive ancestors learned to thrive over. I have found that most of the time my bursts of bad behavior are a result of sleep or nutrition deficiency. When I feel like I’m being ridiculous and there is no outside drama causing me to react the way I’m acting, I try to stop and think, “Is it possible I haven’t been drinking enough water or eating the right food or enough food, or taking my vitamins, have I had time to myself lately, or time with my honey? Sometimes you just have to take a few deep breaths, drink a glass of water and make yourself a PB&J, while you convince yourself you didn’t get enough sleep last night and everything is fine, you are just over sensitive due to your frail condition.

#3 You may just be a whiner
Sometimes the harsh and honest truth is, we are just being whiners. Whiners looking for attention or wallowing in our own self-pity. Why? Perhaps we are lonely and even though we are surrounded by people almost to the point of being violated we feel there isn’t one person that truly gets us or has a dark and sadistic sense of humor like we do. Perhaps we just want someone to laugh with or in this particular situation cry with. “Boo-hoo, I’m having a bad day there’s a hole in my boot, please notice me!” I’m usually a very upbeat energetic and loving person, always excited to put a smile on someone else’s face. But, when I get stuck in this kind of bad day, drowning in a pity pool that has been filled with my own sad, sorry tears, I am like the person that I wouldn’t even want to try to cheer up. This is a very sad and annoying realization but if this is you on a bad day, you just have to fess up and come to terms with it. Only then can you start getting the attention you are really craving. I hate to sound like a Positive-Patty here, but positive attention is better than negative attention. So slap yourself on the back or in the face depending on how whiney you were being and get ready to get your “nice” on! What I’ve learned is: people either really like “nice” or they are totally creep-ed out by it. But either way I promise you the attention you get will far surpass the attention or lack thereof, that the sour-puss pout you’ve been pointing at people all day has gotten you.

#4 You may have some Resentment
Sometimes we are being resentful and it slowly starts to unravel into the end all to be all. This usually happens on a nice day. Not a good day or a bad day just a nice day when everything is normal. Then suddenly! It happens! Some stupid petty thing sneaks up on you. You find yourself stuck with a frustration that you were in no way prepared for. Maybe your spouse decided to move an entirely large unneeded piece of furniture in without consulting you first and it has pushed you into a passive aggressive piss parade. Maybe the disappointment of the loss of an eBay bid on a one of a kind pair of shoes, or an unexpected call from your nagging, self-righteous, control freak, grandmother has opened Pandora’s box of vigorous triggers to all your self-sabotaging habits. You’ll know this is your bad day if ten minutes ago you were perfectly fine (or at least nice) and now your head is spinning and you want to run as far away from where the spinning started as fast as you possibly can! Everything that comes out of your mouth is condescending or served with a side of sarcasm and you’ve made it through half a bag of Dove chocolate mini pieces and are even too peevish to believe all the sweet little notes on the inside of the wrappers like you usually do. In this case it is important to catch on as soon as possible. Otherwise the resentment monster living on your shoulder will send you crashing miserably into everything and everyone you meet all day. Find a quiet place. I suggest locking yourself in your car for a few minutes. (or if you don’t have a car, then lock yourself in the bathroom and pretend it is your car) Close your eyes, and imagine the horrible petty thing that happened, all wrapped up in a pretty little brown package and being redelivered to you. Then scoop it up in your loving, logical hands and take a good look at it, accept it fully for what it is and when you are done soaking in its inescapable existence, look up at the sky and say “Universe, this package sucks. I do not like it, but I accept it and will not let it ruin anymore of my day than it already has, because this feeling or situation will eventually pass and then I will have only wasted my time resenting something that either A. has no feelings (eBay) or B. Has feelings but does not care. (nagging grandmother/oblivious Spouse)” Then if your eyes are still closed take your package and imagine getting out of your car and placing it on the ground behind your car.  Open your eyes, turn the car on, and back in and out of your drive way 5 or 6 times. If the act of the package killing and resentment freeing doesn’t work, see paragraph four-sentences one and two.

#5 You may be having an actual bad day
Sometimes the bad day is a totally awesome life changing event that is disguised as your worst nightmare. We all have expectations in life, even though we are told its best not to. Most of the time we are just expecting the basics, like to make it to work without getting in an accident, or to not be betrayed by our closest friends or family, or we expect to have enough money to cover all our expenses. But, then something unforeseen happens and we are immediately panicked or forlorn. Perhaps an F150 slides into your car on an icy road on the way to work, or a friend or lover betrays your trust, a check bounces or you are injured and stuck with an immense amount of medical debt. All these things could ruin any day. But eventually you will come to terms with it all. Not to sound insensitive but the age old saying “this too shall pass,” is one worth remembering at times like these and the sooner we do that the better. As hard as it is too see the positive in situations like this, we must try. The best way to do this is to turn to gratitude. Find a positive in the situation, you may be thankful that the accident only damaged your car or that injuries did not result in taking your life, you may be thankful to know that you have the choice to choose who is in your life and who is not. Maybe you are thankful that although it may seem like you do not have enough money at the moment that there are literally endless possibilities for money and resources to show up in your life. This happens only when you acknowledge the possibility and appreciate all that is present, from love and family to a roof over your head and a meal in your tummy. On top of all you have there is always the possibility that this one horrible thing is the stepping stone to an event or an action on your part that will change your life for the better. You may never know but there is no harm in feeling good, even when you are not supposed to!

What’s your bad day pick-me-up?

5 Ways to be Sick Without Grossing Everyone Out

comical relief, humor,how-to's, happy news, kenzie snyderman

Let’s just dive right in today, because I’m sick and have less energy to write a creative introduction on being a sick person, who feels gross and more importantly looks gross.

Attempt to get better; don’t just whine about being sick

Attempt to get better as soon as you notice your symptoms and don’t just try to cover them up and wait it out. This means don’t just take a bunch of Sudafed and continue to drink diet coke all day and eat junk food for the duration of your illness, which you are simply prolonging with a half assed attempt to care for yourself. There is nothing wrong with finding relief in the cold and flu aisle of your local grocery store, but be sure you also hit the produce and tea section. And don’t forget the honey to add to tea and toast! Honey has antiviral and antibiotic property’s, soothes sore throats and aids in healing. Replace the diet coke and coffee with tea and water. “What about my caffeine fix?” you might ask. You don’t need any because you should be resting! (which is also an important aspect to attempting to get better) Teas with Echinacea, Elder flower, Lemon and Cinnamon not only bring relief to your symptoms but also strengthen your immune system. The same is true of fruits and vegetables. Replace the junk food with soups and salads. If people see you taking care of yourself, and not just staggering around sneezing in your nachos, they’ll be more inclined to look towards you with an attitude of compassion rather than revulsion.

Smile

Even if you are raspy and your face is oozing, a smile is going to look and feel wonderful. People like happy people. Be as happy as you can muster. You’re going to need the added happy points on your side anyway, to counter your seemingly rude avoidance behavior, that is standard for being sick. Like, not shaking people’s hands or giving hugs and kisses good-bye. A smile also gives your face a nicer feature to focus on other than your crusted, chapped nose and seeping pink eyes. And, for your benefit, smiles also help you heal faster!

Pass it off as allergies

You may find yourself in a situation where it is really important that you do not come off as a disgusting sick person. For example you may have a job interview you can’t cancel or run into that guy or girl you really like and hope to “get to know better.” In this case there is no other option but to avidly deny your illness. Most allergies produce similar symptoms, however, you are not as gross seeming when “it’s just allergies.” Maybe because allergies are usually temporary and don’t indicate you may be an unhealthy slob with a poor immune system. It’s not even really a decision for most people to reject you, it’s just a primitive instinct not to work with or sleep with a sicko. So, in this situation you want to lie and smile as much as you can.

Dress nicer

Like the smiling technique this is also a mode for distraction. The nicer you look the more appealing you will be for sure. Not only will your sleek attire, perfect hair and makeup, distract from your profuse sniffling and phlegmy breathing that makes you sound like a purring kitten, it also makes you look more important. Everyone loves important people. It doesn’t matter that you’re sick because you do so much for the world and are so fancy and nice to look at. You probably just caught something from working so closely with the poor, sick, children you are building a school for somewhere anyway.

Play hard-to-get

Every woman knows how to do this for at least a week out of every month. You don’t want to lead on that you are sick or out of commission to that dreamy date or sexy lover of yours. So instead of risking turn-off or rejection, you change your game a little. You must become a mysterious tease, that only gives just enough and has epic plans for future escapades. You’re looking at some serious foreplay here, which as you can imagine is not necessarily a bad thing. You have time to recover from your repulsive illness and they have time to fall even more lustfully in love with you. Win win!

Usually we are pretending that we are sick, not vice versa. Yet, it is obviously just as imperative that we know how to “play well” as it is to “play sick.” My heart goes out to all the fellow sickos reading this. Take care of yourself… I’ll see you out there.

Who’s got a good cold remedy or funny sick story? 

Five Ways to End an Argument – By: Kenzie Snyderman

We all know people who just love to have arguments , get upset, “get their feelings hurt,” draw things out and never let it go. That might sound insensitive, but no! The insensitive thing would be to ignore these people and the situations that go along with them.

You may be a lover, not a fighter, but that doesn’t mean you are always surrounded by like-minded folk. These people could include best friends, mother-in-laws, landlords, siblings or whiny pubescent teenage time-bombs — whatever the case, I find these five tactics may lead to peaceful resolution.

 Tactic # 1: Apathy

Apathy is a wonderful expression because it is neither submissive nor threatening. Simple dismissal or lack of emotion is usually very uninteresting in an argument. You can make your objection clear without being overexcited about it. The antagonist often finds this dull and sees no point pursuing an unavailing attempt to fight with you.

Tactic # 2: Sarcasm

The word “sarcasm” is derived from a Greek word meant to describe the way wild dogs tear flesh off the bones of their prey. If you know how to use it, sarcasm is word artillery at its finest. The right comment with just enough sarcasm smeared on it will act fast and hit unexpectedly, knocking the wind out of any confrontation. I do not recommend this strategy with authority figures. But for that annoying, little, know-it-all preteen or adolescent, this is perfect.

Tactic # 3: Patronize

This has proved very effective with the particular breeds of people who are right no matter what. The question you want to stop and ask yourself in an argument with someone of this nature is, “How many minutes of my life do I want to waste being unconditionally wrong?” is the answer:

A. Until I’m interrupted by a phone call or hit by a bus?

B. Until the four-minute song on the radio that I’m focusing all my attention on is over?

C. Just long enough to realize I can’t even enjoy the song because he or she is talking over it?

D. Until my brain ruptures inside the skull acting as a defensive self-destruct mechanism?

The answer is C, my friends,  and the solution is, tell them whatever they want to hear  and get on with your life.

Tactic # 4: Flattery

Flattery is your man, if you are looking for a win/win solution. You are in the middle of a meaningless squabble with your best friend, a simple complement or act of love puts you one step closer to reconciliation . Point out how nice it is that you have acquired the level of closeness necessary for this relentless bickering. Or, comment on a new accessory or hair style they are wearing.  Not only does it make him or her feel good, but it makes you feel good to say it — and two happy people make bad odds for an argument.

Tactic # 5: Start to cry

This is the end all to be all technique for when all else fails. Get those juices flowing. Squeeze out a few tears — even better if you can pull off a full-fledged hysterical crying/breathing fit with snot bubbles and all. Really make the antagonist uncomfortable. Discomfort equals confusion equals defenses down. The situation may be weird for a moment, but the awkward silence should end the argument effectively.

A Note to our beloved Antagonists

I don’t want to exclude the folks out there who do enjoy a good argument. Thanks to you we have talented lawyers, passionate politicians and nagging spouses.. (Not trying to start an argument here)  This timeless Monty Python Clip is for you. Enjoy!